NICHE DATING WEBSITES (DON’T PANIC 16.10.12)
Because there’s someone out there for every horse-loving, nappy-wearing, zombie-obsessed weirdo.
Hi, my name’s Charlotte, and I’m currently single. Now, single life is great – the freedom, the ability to watch whatever you want on Netflix without fear of recrimination, the embarrassing hook-ups (hey, at least you get some good stories to tell the next day) – but recently, something has changed. I’ve started to notice the none-too-subtle advertisements Facebook is slipping me every time I log on. In fact, looking at my news feed RIGHT NOW, there are no fewer than two ads for dating sites; one telling me I can ‘Date a Sexy Fireman’, and another starting off with the appealing catchphrase, ‘Mates all got boyfriends?’
Tempting as ads like these are, it did make me wonder: if sites specifically targeted at dating firemen have become a ‘thing’, what other obscure concepts are floating around the Internet? So began my weird and wonderful journey into niche dating websites…
Horsey Lover Dating
This is another ad that crops up regularly on my news feed – despite the fact that I’m not really into horses, and I’m fairly certain I’ve never even used the word ‘horse’ on the site (way to pick your audience, Facebook). Designed for people that ‘work with, ride or just love horses to meet others that love horses too’, Horsey Lover Dating ticks those two essential boxes in a prospective partner – someone looking for love, coupled with a deep, burning passion for, er, horses. From the pictures, I’m not sure if a horse actually has to be involved at the date or not (which would cross dinner at Pizza Express off the list), but they definitely look like they’re having fun.
Hey! It’s nearly Halloween! Why not get into the spooky seasonal spirit by going out with someone dressed as an animated rotting corpse? Fun, romance and the terrified screams of passing children guaranteed. My favourite personal ad was posted by LonelyBill, who has “one eye, half a torso, and a whole lot of heart”. Note: don’t go too mad with the fake blood if you think you’re going to get lucky; it’s a bitch to clean off bed sheets.
Finally! After all this time, I’ve found a legitimate way for me to meet a guy who gets turned on by wearing nappies. As the ‘premiere community for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Big Kids and Mommies and Daddies’, Diapermates promises something for every kind of nappy fetish. Personal ads include people looking for ‘playmates’ and ‘spanking’, and well as sexually suggestive (I assume) lines like “I’m wet need a diaper change please”.
‘Sick of dating websites filled with ugly, unattractive, desperate fatsos? We are’, claims the Darwin Dating homepage. That’s right, it’s a dating service aimed at beautiful people only. Not sure if you fit into this category? No problem! There’s a handy checklist of banned features, including but limited to: sweat patches, nerdy glasses, fat rolls, uncared for fingernails, weird pubic hair and overuse of bright blue eye shadow.
Meet an Inmate
Enjoy dating, but struggle to find a partner who’s willing to commit? Well, the men and women listed on Meet-an-Inmate have already proven they’re more than capable of committing – crimes, that is. Sign up to the site’s pen popular pal service and you could soon be exchanging your hopes, feelings and dreams with a real-life convicted felon! Though things start off the old-fashioned way, through exchanging letters, who knows where it could lead – assuming you’re still interested in 15-20 years, of course.
Words: Charlotte McManus
Posted on 24/05/2013, in Culture, Radar and tagged charlotte mcmanus, dating websites, diapermates, don't panic, horsey lover dating, meet an inmate, niche dating, online dating, zombie harmony. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.