RADAR: TOP 10 MOST USELESS INVENTIONS OF ALL TIME (DON’T PANIC MAY 2012)
Why, why, WHY? Here’s our top pick of the best gadgets you’ll never need.
Technologically-speaking, we live in the most advanced age the human race has ever seen. Spacecrafts, supercomputers, Spotify – these are all signs of progression that mark us out as a sophisticated, highly developed civilisation, and will go down in history as historic landmark achievements.
Then again, not all man-made innovation has been that successful. Over the years, some things have been created that are decidedly… well… unimpressive. Irrelevant. Pointless even. Here’s our top most useless inventions of all time – just to remind us not to get too cocky.
It’s a sad fact of life these days that we have too many TV remotes to keep track of. And who really has the space to keep more them all on the arm of a chair, or a table? With Remote Headband, you can keep your living room de-cluttered and your remotes handily accessible – AND you’ll look cool doing it.
Oh no. You’re in your pyjamas, ready for bed, and you’ve just noticed a few renegade crumbs on the floor. How inconvenient. But no fear! With Slipperbrush, you can quickly do the last minute micro-sweeps without having to go and get the regular-sized dustpan and brush out of the cupboard. Or, you know, waiting till morning.
Toilet Paper Hat
The Japanese are so good at creating weird and wacky inventions that they even have a special word for it: ‘chindōgu’, which refers to a gadget which solves an everyday problem but causes so many new problems (or acute social embarrassment) that it effectively has no real practical use. The Toilet Paper Hat is one such example. Okay, so it’s fantastic if you unexpectedly sneeze or have a bad cold, but – really? Would anyone seriously wear this out in public?
Imagine how much time you lose everyday to so-called ‘essential’ tasks. Eating, sleeping, showering – all tiresome activities that take you away from what you should really be doing: cutting down your handicap. But with Toilet Golf, you can keep working on your putting skills, even when you’re spending a penny! A great present for Dads the world over.
I mean, who uses knives anymore, am I right? Not only is this a fun, modern way to butter your toast (or potatoes, scones, lobster – whatever you like, the sky’s the limit with Butter Stick!), it’s also perfect for travel. You can have butter anywhere, anytime. If that’s not progress, I don’t know what is. (Ed – Also ideal for chapped lips)
A handy way to cut up your pizza while having all the fun of using scissors. Your friends will be queuing up to have a go, and trust us, your pizza parties will be the talk of the town.
Another Dad-friendly invention, Hair Visor turns the frowns of the follicly-challenged upside down – by furnishing embarrassing bald bonces with a completely natural-looking crop of synthetic hair! No one will ever know the difference.
Solving the age-old problem that has baffled mankind for centuries: how do I cool my noodles down enough to eat? In today’s non-stop, breakneck world, it’s just too much time and effort spent blowing on them yourself; enter Noodle Fan!